Would You Date Yourself?

May 28

Inner Critic

I will never be good enough! I am not worthy of love! I don't deserve success! I'm an imposter, people are going to find out I'm not as talented as they think I am. Who am I kidding, no matter how much I try I will never be able to..... Blah Blah Blah!

That's a lot of false acclamations! But does this monologue sound familiar? That's our Inner Critic talking... also known as your Inner Critic Message. We all have one that lives in our head, telling us to never take risks, always take the safe road, and play small!

Your Inner Critic is personalized to your individual experience. In coaching this is identified as an internal block, actually, it's the most intense emotional charge of any of the blocks out of the four. Fear feeds our Inner Critics, they latch on and coach us to live meekly and play small. All this to say your Inner Critic is playing a role in your life, they are neither good nor bad, they are simply making sure you are safe and protecting you.

How to quiet your inner critic and take control back:

Identify it! If the voice is highlighting your limitations and not your greatness it's your critic, not you.
Name it! My Inner Critic is named Ivy, her thoughts take over like Ivy and it can be hard for my mind to be out of her grasp.
What is your Inner Critic message? Jot down phrases that come up and see how many of these messages are incorporated into your daily thoughts.
Check in on how you're feeling when you identify the messages.
Stand up to your Inner Critic! When it shows up say, "Thanks for the warning but no thanks, I'll be okay without your help."

Assumptions: You Know What They Say About Assuming...

Modern proverb: "When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me."

An Assumption is a belief that is attached to an experience that happened to you in the past, and will automatically happen to you again. Assumptions stem from personal experience that intimately involved you in the outcome. This is an internal block that is more personal than limiting beliefs.

Assuming will hold you back and make you miss a world of possibilities because you already "know" the outcome. Basically you have failed before you even tried because of a past experience that didn't work out or didn't go your way. Therefore, the next time the opportunity arises it won't work out in your favor. This is when your Inner Critic shows up and supports that untrue belief and tells you to not go for it because you're not good enough, there are other people who are more qualified, and so on.

Challenging Assumptions are very involved and can be emotionally charging. As I stated, assumptions are primarily based on personal experience, there are more emotions and energy attached to them and harder to get rid of.

The main question to ask when challenging your assumption head on is, "Just because that experience happened in the past, why must it happen again?"

Focus on the positives! We are more likely to live in the negative experiences that drain us and pull us down, from that losing the ability to see new opportunities.

Another way to challenge your Assumptions in a more positive light is focusing on a past situation in which you achieved something positive or similar.

Here are some questions to tap into your strength:

What worked well in your past experience?
Why was it working well?
What strengths did you have when you did this?
Lastly, how can you take those strengths and apply them to your new situation?

Access To Creativity

Creativity helps you come up with new ways of problem solving and forming new perspectives when approaching challenging situations. As humans we often get stuck in our logical brain and often don't explore our heart space. There is an internal block clogging the channel for the head and heart to communicate and be congruent in decision making. Not everything is black and white, there are grey areas. These "grey areas" are not wrong but rather a choice made against the status quo. Searching for ways to solve problems that work for YOU, the individual. Ways to be productive, successful, and staying open to new opportunities. Making art or solving problems through the lens of abundance, not through scarcity.

Questions To Keep In Mind:

How open are you to new ideas and new ways of doing things, and to new possibilities?
What enhances your creativity?
What detracts from your creativity?

Gaining Clarity when you don't know what you're doing can be draining. You will fall into listening to your Inner Critic telling you to put off your goal, don't waste your time because you're not good enough. A lot of times this shows up as uncertainty and indecisiveness. With these traits you will most likely not perform with your highest potential. Once you build awareness and become familiar with Your Voice vs. Your Inner Critic you can file those thoughts as NOT TRUE. Gaining clarity reduces anxiety and creates space for you to use your voice and feel the ground beneath your feet. Confidence! Confidence to know your voice and know your process!

Gaining Clarity Around A Goal:

What are you wanting to achieve?
List as many ways you can accomplish your goal.
What might be a barrier that gets in your way?
What resources do you need to feel supported? Where can you find the information?
If things don't go to plan, how will you react and adjust course?

Mental Clutter can happen when decisions are left unmade, multiple things are needing your focus at once, and when time is spent in the past or catastrophizing the future. By feeling unorganized and distracted by the wrong things, this causes energy to be drained.

Something that helps when the candle is being burned at both ends and momentum is lost, centering. Centering is a form of deep relaxation and meditation with setting an intention. This tool can be used to create pause, breathe, refocus, balance, clarity, or peace. Most people do this in the form of meditation and journaling. For me, I go on walks. I need to keep my body moving to slow my mind down. We will all have different ways to center. The key is to find what works for you and turn it into a practice on a regular basis. It will become effective over time and you'll be able to use this when you need to pull yourself back to the present moment. Here's the thing, each day is going to look and feel different. If meditating works for you today but not tomorrow and so on, MODIFY! Modify and ask yourself what do you need at this moment and how can I achieve it. We are always changing and outgrowing practices but that means we also have to put in the work to figure out what new tool works now. By doing this you are also practicing listening to what your body needs and advocating for self care.

Dating Your Inner Artist

“If you hear a voice within you say, ‘You cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” – Vincent van Gogh

Life without creativity is life absent of joy. I stand by that. Creativity is the essence of who we are. We all have an inner artist, some may call it their inner child. When we were younger we roamed around with anything and everything being at our disposal to help us express ourselves. Society has told us to color within the lines, not to be so loud, be afraid of color and from that structure we have neglected, without realizing, that our inner artists are unable to feel free from expressing themselves.

Let's start from the beginning, it's been awhile since we've been in contact with our Inner Artist. Here is a fun questionnaire to ask them, so you can better understand how to nurture and identify them.

Dating Your Inner Artist Questionnaire: (Your Inner Artist is separate from you, individualize them.)

Who are you? (In one sentence)
Who were you named after?
What are your pronouns?
How does your age affect you in the world?
What is your relationship to your environment?
What is your educational background? How much discipline were you subject to as a child?
What was your childhood like? What were your strongest memories?
What are the most significant events of your life?
How much money do I have? How much do I want?
What makes you angry?
What relaxes you?
What are your driving ambitions?
What do you like about yourself?
What would you like to change about yourself?
What do you need from me?
What do you fear?
What brings you joy?
What activity do you do that helps you tap into your creative flow?

Once you've answered these questions, take your Inner Artist on a walk and take pictures of things that inspire them. Create an album for them and allow them to express what they learned and how that date made them feel. This activity is supposed to be fun and a way to pull you out of the mundane and show up and have a conversation with yourself on how to invite joy and creative flow into your life. Break the cycle of "being bored, not having a hobby, feeling stuck, having writer's block, etc." The list goes on. Sometimes we need to pull ourselves out of the routine to gain a new perspective.

This is your journey, again MODIFY to what works for you and your Inner Artist. Practice Intentionally Embodying Meraki. Be the creative you want to be and experience the joy you deserve to feel. YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. YOU ARE DESERVING OF SUCCESS.

Now go forth, get messy and create!

Much Love, Much Meraki,

Zoé Shields BFA, CPC, ELI-MP

Creative Life Coach

she/her